Evanescent Escape
by AutumnSolitude
Summary: dark!doctor; The Doctor finds ways to release his mind and nerves but it's only a temporary fix. Can he stop himself before he goes farther than he'd bargained? 11th Doctor, Amy, Rory. Psychotic drug use and self harm in later chapters possibly (not there yet), rated M to be safe
1. Chapter 1

A/N: Hey guys, so I wrote this in a notebook some time ago (3-4 years?) and I'm just now getting around to typing it up, revising it, and uploading. Yup.

So this is supposed to turn out as a dark!doctor (11) fic, so hopefully I can steer it that way over the next few chapters and obviously The Doctor will be acting OOC. Sorry. Not really. I'm basing my prompt off of the darker Chameleon Circuit songs, so go check them out as well. This was supposed to be an alternate dream lord type scenario thing, but we'll see how it pans out.

Disclaimer: I don't own Doctor Who, Matt Smith or anything else in this fic. BBC controls all that nonsense.

So... here we go

Chapter 1

Flames consumed everything in sight. My home, my life, is taking light. I run slowly, so slowly, like running through thick sludge, all the while trying to escape the masses of merciless metal exclaiming ruthlessly, "EXTERMINATE!"

Deep under the mountains of Alfava Metraxis in the tunnels built by the Aplan, all the statues seemed to stare at me as I wandered aimlessly through the corridors of the Maze of the Dead with a distinct feeling of unease in my stomach. I began to blink and the uneasiness turned to dread. Each and every statue had only one head! Aplans had two! Spinning, and watching each one while trying to find an escape and keep my eyes open my eyes accidentally blinked. I felt a touch and the world went black.

A distant echo of a familiar gravelly voice resounds through my ears, "_This is what we have seen, Doctor…"_

I sat up with a gasp as I scanned the dark recesses of my room in the TARDIS. Just a dream, I thought to myself. I massage the back of my neck, _eleven lives; ten regenerations. It's taken a lot out of me. I'm not as young as I once was. _Thinking back to my dream; _nor as innocent._ Groggily I fumbled with the door knob and stumbled to the bathroom where I splashed cold water on my face. Well, when I say cold… Well, considering running water in deep space… freezing. Looking up into the mirror I realized I'm doing pretty well for 907 years old, _getting younger all the time_ I acknowledge with a grin and a wink. I try to comb my unruly dark brown hair, but the hair won. Again. Sighing, I put my comb back in the cabinet behind the mirror where it belongs. I'd slept in my clothes. Again. The lack of sleep has been catching up to me, I think as I straighten my bowtie. "Bowties are definitely cool" I mumble, and agree with a nod and a smirk.

After freshening up I head out to the TARDIS's main console room. I spend most of my time here, sometimes on the comfy seat by the rail or on the stairs or even in the swing under the floor, contemplating, thinking, waiting for whatever adventure today will bring. This morning I'm settled in the comfy chair. Well, when I say today… we don't have an actual day and night system, it's just when everybody goes to bed and wakes up.

Speaking of waking up, I look up to notice Amelia Pond walk into the room, still dressed in her red flannel PJ's. Today her long strawberry red hair is held back by a white elastic headband. From behind her a still half asleep Rory in PJ's as well, a uni shirt and plaid pants, emerges from the hall. "Good morning Mr. and Mrs. Pond!" I greet them cheerfully as Rory stifles a yawn. Amelia, on the other hand, is wide awake and ready for the day. "Good morning!" she replies with a grin, her Scottish accent prevalent as always. "What shenanigans shall we get ourselves caught up in today?" Amy inquires.

"Well," I reply, "I know of a planet with mountains made of diamonds. Or we could visit Earth's past and see how textbooks disagree with actual history." Looking up, Amy was waiting for me to mention something else and Rory stood with his eyes closed trying to achieve the feat of sleep standing up. "Or we could just take a trip to the kitchen to see what's for breakfast." I notice the pang in my own stomach. Rory's eyes snap open and nods fervently and turns on the spot and heads back down the hallway letting the TARDIS guide him to the kitchen.

"Go ahead, I'll be there in a minute. I just need to finish up some stuff here." I call after them, knowing full well they can care for themselves and don't need me. Once Amy and Rory was out of sight and earshot I settled back into my comfy chair and connected to the psychic network that connects me to the TARDIS. I uploaded my dreams, reviewing them and saving them into the TARDIS. I felt a slight disapproval from Her. Then I accessed the internet, one of my favorite advancements in the whole universe, because if one was connected psychically, like I am, then we can download coding for brain chemicals. Imagine downloading emotions, it's not really that, but if it helps. I did a quick mental search for sedatives, and the search engine came up with over five trillion results, but only three hundred fifty-two thousand, five hundred twenty-seven results were downloads for _Calm_. I chose a trusted illegal download provider, I'd been through this before, and downloaded _Calm_ and saved it for later confident I would receive my intended result. My nerves were jittery still from the dream, it had really shook me up. After disengaging from the solid network connection trading it for a more loose psychic connection with the TARDIS, I stood up, stretched, and followed after Amy and Rory to the kitchen for breakfast and a good cup of tea.

So, what did you think? The Review button is your friend! I can't promise when the next chapter will be up because school.


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I do not own Doctor Who, the BBC does, I guess. But I do own this future internet where downloads go directly to the brain. It's great.

I guess triggers in this if you do heavy-duty, downloadable, psychoactive, hallucinogenic drug ~stuff. At least it's not really affecting your lungs and internal organs. I guess.

[What else goes up here? Cue the sounds of a confused night writers thoughts. Anyway, begin.]

Evanescent Escape chapter 2: My Own Storm

It's so dark here. I'm sinking farther, deeper, down into a suffocating ocean. The deep blue currents caress me, enfold me, and encompass me. The nearly still water above me glistens and sparkles with a gentle warm sun sending shafts of light down into the water. My nerves were finally still; my mind, finally mine. _Calm_ pulsed through my veins. My body is suspended in the water, where the murky depths meet the lighter surface waters. My responsibilities and memories were finally lifted from me and I still cannot breathe. My lungs are shutting down; suffocating me; my mind numbingly calm. Not a single piece of information passed through the synapses. It feels amazing.

I must wake up now, before I fall forever and never return. That wouldn't be too bad though. I don't want to return to reality. I've done enough damage, why let me do anymore?

All of a sudden my descent ceases. The currents of my internal ocean, my storm calmed by the psychic drug, begin to churn and roll violently. The Oncoming Storm that had been quelled became oncoming once more. Dark blue waters no longer caressed but tore at my skin and clothes as I'm being thrust upward. It's wearing off and my time is up. I'm being forcefully propelled upward to the surface, back to the air, back to the light of a now cold and bitter sun that skims the surface of my now blackened, roiling swells.

But it's dark in my room when I resurface. I can still feel my itchy tweed clothes and the bed covers enveloping me. I must have sunk quite a bit since I had initiated the psychic drug through the download I'd gotten last week. I roll over to the edge of the bed and slide my feet into my shoes. I sit there for a minute just to hang my head and breathe deeply, regaining consciousness and orientation. My mind was already starting to fill with the noises again; a constant buzzing of negativity and darkness. I consider staying in bed all day, just lying there trying to retain the feeling of my mind going blank. This last download wasn't long enough; perhaps I'm becoming resistant to _Calm_. Perhaps I'd have to turn to more complex downloads; something a little stronger. How much longer can I manage until I slip to the farthest regions and I couldn't come back?

I lie back down in the darkness sinking back into my covers and access the internet, this time searching with my subconscious for a near coma-like effect. Not many programmers can develop a drug to this degree and keep it free on the market. True to my predictions I only receive a couple million hits. I then filter out virus and trojan-laden files. Much like regular files that have viruses, programmers have developed viruses that, once downloaded, can get into the mind and extract secrets. What they wouldn't do for a mind such as mine. Surprisingly my expert filter has left me with only a couple hundred download options left. Programmers are a clever bunch, I'll give them that. Once a person is under coma-like conditions secrets and other objects of the mind are the easiest to extract by a virus from the drug that induced it. I found a relatively safe download called _Coma-like _ which caused a deep hebetudinous state in the user and should last up to four hours according to the description. I wondered quietly what it would feel like when I was under and a small smile ghosted across my lips as the need to feel whole and completely at peace and still of mind as the Buddha.

I initiated the download but there seemed to be an invisible barrier between the internet and my download area. I tried to find a weak spot in this barrier - around and under - but could find none. I was inside a bubble and on the other side my peace of conscience was waiting. I felt as if an old lady were sternly staring at me, as if I were a child doing something naughty. A sharp yet ethereal voice drifted through the back of my mind that the Buddha did not need drugs to achieve peace nor was he a nearly thousand year old Time Lord that was well seasoned in the horrors of Time Wars and lost companions. It was then I became very cross with the TARDIS for restricting me access to my download. I promptly bookmarked the download page and cut off the internet.

I sighed, rolled over into a sitting position on the side of my bed and walked through the darkness to the door and the light waiting on the other side.

Thoughts?

So, no Amy and Rory in this chapter but the sinking bit was fun to write though. Go on, use your imagination. (It really was though.) Yea okay, It's been awhile since I uploaded chapter one and again no promises on the next chapter. [13 months later... {~upload~} . ] Oh yea, I'm up to date on Doctor Who, I know about the Ponds leaving and Clara and stuff (oh spoilers I guess, sorry. Not really.) But this really was written back when they existed so sorry if this brings back any painful memories. Oh, and Matt's haircut. I cried too.

I'm forgetting stuff. Oh well. Thanks for reading and please review. And thanks to all of you who reviewed and put this story on your watch list stuff and followed it and all that jazz, you're cool I promise you all invisible cookies and tasty stuff if you don't like cookies :O or invisible stickers or something…


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